Dear Shidduch World,
Much ink has been spilled on the Shidduch topic. Unfortunately, there's hardly a Mishpacha that hasn't been affected by by the difficult Shidduch challenge. Our hearts go out to the many singles and their families who are still waiting to find their Bashert.
Having been involved in Shidduchim for a few years, I would like to bring up something that has been on my mind for a long time. In my conversations with others who are also involved in Shidduchim, I have found that they encounter the same problem regularly. The fact is that it is much easier for a Frum boy to get a date than a Frum girl. The Frum girls have a much more difficult time getting dates. There are many different reasons for this, but I don't want to get into that topic. What I would like to address is the next step in the dating process.
The boy and girl go out on the date and then report back to the shadchan. Most of the time, regardless of how the date went, the boy is willing to give it another chance. The boys usually attempt to "make things work." However, many times, the girl refuses to go out on a second date. The girls refuse to even attempt to let the Shidduch have a chance. They tell the shadchan with full certainty that this boy definitely isn't for them. Of course I'm not saying that anyone should continue dating someone who they don't think they will wind up marrying. But how can they be so certain after one short date? Is their Emunah and Bitachon so strong that after one date, they know that this definitely isn't their Bashert?
There are going to be those who read this letter and immediately respond that it's unfair to blame the girls. But, I'm not blaming anyone! All I'm asking for is the girls out there to give the boys a second date, to just give the shidduch a chance. Don't dump a boy after one date!! I strongly feel that part of the problem lies in the fact that boys generally ask their Daas Torah - Rav, Rebbi or Rosh Yeshiva - for advice while dating. Usually Daas Torah will advise a person to go on a second date. On the other hand, unfortunately many of girls don't ask Daas Torah when dating. Thus, they make the decision on their own to drop a boy after a first date.
The purpose of this letter isn't to knock anyone. Just the opposite, my goal is to send out a wake-up call. Before you drop a shidduch after one date, ask Daas Torah. Maybe by giving the shidduch a chance, you may just end up finding your Bashert.